For success of anything one must learn the art of commitment and not complain. Marriage works when there is commitment but most marriages which fail, do so as they get blown apart by complaints. Everyone has comfort and discomfort zones. Learn initially to avoid the discomfort zone and log on to the comfort zone. Don’t let expectations control your lives but learn to give in a relationship more than demand or beg from a relationship. Commitment in taking care of little things makes relationships stronger and work enjoyable. It brings happiness and satisfaction in the long way.
Don’t treat anything as a problem but an issue to handle. Learn to accept things and improve on things. Learn the art of empowering and beautifying the set up. Treat it as fun and not as a social obligation but a social challenge. Don’t look only at equal rights but also at duties to be fulfilled.
What should one avoid to build a successful marriage?
One has to be very aware of the fact that there will be differences in a relationship… it is indeed natural. Don’t treat that as conflict. The moment you treat it as conflict, there is pain. Then you hold on to this pain and go on brooding over it. Then it increases and you start maintaining an internal account of hurt. This will slowly lead to settling scores. Be aware of this pattern.
A wife gets upset when her husband listens to his mother and ignores her feelings. The mother-in-law gets upset when her son listens to the wife and ignores her feelings. How can this be handled ?
Oone should understand, “hurt or upset whether you justify it or not is self damaging”. When one is upset psychologically, a hurt body is created. When the “hurt body” is created one looks from the hurt and thus one’s subjective projection starts operating. All this messes the way one looks at a situation.
With this understanding and alertness respective people should share more with their close ones. Please look at their sharing as a part of them releasing their tensions. One should have an outlet to release one’s tension, right or wrong but one has to empty it out. When hurt center is created it messes up and when you source yourself from wisdom, it clears up.
Youngsters tend to think there are more challenges to marriage than good times. There is very little tolerance or adjustment. How can parents help?
Parents should understand that each one, especially young people, have two needs… security need and insecurity need. There is a need for insecurity also… challenges, adventure, taking risk and that is a need which one has to wisely address. As one grows old one’s need is more leaning towards security and being settled, is it not? Look at life deeply and you will find these things happening in us. But most of us don’t look at life deeply since one is lost in one’s wants and don’t take time to see the ground of being in which one’s life operates.
Wisely handling them and seeing that there is less stress but a blend of challenge and peace makes marriage more interesting. A certain amount of excitement youngsters do need but it should be balanced with peace. Harmonising these opposites is a wise act.
More than changing their mind set let parents balance their inner energies. Then one’s being speaks louder than words.
Wish my readers a bright future ahead ! Happy journey ..
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